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Wednesday, October 15, 2008 @ 2:27 AM
when life hands you lemons
 make lemonade. So the saying goes. But why settle for making lemonade when there are so many more possibilities? Such as: - Cut them in half and squeeze the stinging, citrus pulp into the eyes of those who would dare to mock, threaten or oppose you.
- Just as life hands them to you, quickly toss them back. Yell, “You touched ‘em last!” Then run away.
- Say, “Lemons? For me? Cool. Can I have some more?” Life will comply, as it is eager to give you lemons. When it does, exclaim, “Hey, everybody, look at all these lemons! I’m the luckiest man alive!” Life will eventually become bored with its game of handing you lemons, since you obviously aren’t going to play along, and will go off to find someone else to mess with.
- Juggle.
- Go online to http://www.citrus-sex.com/ and check out pictures of people doing things you never even imagined to themselves, and each other, with lemons. Do these things to yourself and others. Bless this time we live in.
- Make lemonade. Add vodka. Drink. Declare that “life ishn’t scho bad after all.”
- Lemon fight!
- Simply refuse to sign for them. Life’s lemons can’t be delivered without an authorized signature.
- Pretend to “accidentally” drop one of them. When life bends over to pick it up, give life a major wedgie. Run away (without the lemons, of course.)
- Accept them graciously, so as not to cause life to suspect you of anything. Then stick one in life’s exhaust pipe while it’s in the grocery store picking up more lemons.
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YEAR 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004
move on, no time for the past..
(back to the present, baby.)
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